Are you a sports fan? Do you have a favorite team? College? Pro? High School? Do you fly your team’s flags from your car’s windows on game day? Do you bleed your team’s colors?
If you have a team you are crazy about, chances are you’ve experienced a bitter loss, a nail-biter. I don’t mean a loss where your team is outmatched from the start. Those can certainly be disappointing but they are usually not as disappointing as a loss that goes to the wire. I’m talking about the last second field goal that costs your team a victory against a hated rival. Or that homer your ace pitcher gives up in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and the score tied at 2. Or that driving lay-up with no time remaining where the opponent’s “nasty and arrogant” star forward eliminates your “family values” team from the play-offs.
These losses can be challenging to handle. They can leave you angry and depressed. They can leave you with your chest tight, your jaws clenched and your mind replaying pivotal plays well into the night. Even your family and friends can’t help. You just want to sulk into your cave and be left alone to tend to your wounds and scream at the walls “Why? Why? Our team deserved to win!”
You can have a different experience. It requires effort on your part. But if you apply a few techniques while understanding a few underlying principles, you will soon be able to watch your team lose the “Super Bowl” of their sport and go away with the satisfaction that comes with having watched an entertaining sporting event rather than the feeling of being on the losing side in an Armageddon battle of Good vs. Evil.
Here are a few practical techniques to help dissipate the heavy feeling. These should be begun right after the game or when defeat is imminent.
- First, breathe in deep and exhale long. Do this several times. The simple act of bringing in ample oxygen has a tremendous affect on relaxing our bodies. It’s also one of the first steps in removing the dark clouds that are storming their way through your mind.
- Next, pull your mind away from thoughts that the other team was the devil himself. Recognize that every team is made up of players from across the board. Teams are microcosms of the world and as such represent individuals of all temperaments and personalities. Even your beloved team that exudes modesty, sportsmanship and goodwill has players who crave attention and will belittle a downed opponent. Likewise, that hated intrastate rival with their egoistic star player has individuals who are clean-cut and All-American and who eat apple pie, never drink and treat all opponents with respect. Believe it or not, your team’s opponent deserves to win as much as anybody, including your team. In fact, it can easily be argued that they deserved to win more because they did win. Karma, remember?
- Third, stay away from those thoughts that will take you down the endless road of “What if?” “Why?” and “Why me?” These thoughts will only serve to strengthen the disappointment and anger that you feel. They will never lead to an answer because all they do is have you replaying the game endlessly in your mind. Isn’t once enough?
You can also do those things that you know helps bring you back into balance. I once heard of a guy who would go into his garage and workout on a body bag. I’ve known others who would go someplace private and scream a few times at the top of their lungs. These all gave an outlet for powerful energy.
Be careful, though. This can easily get out of control and become destructive behavior. I knew of one fellow who put his fist through his closet door after one particularly upsetting college basketball loss. Although that helped dissipate some of the energy he was experiencing, it was destructive, expensive and probably painful. The world of sport has seen worse, cars set on fire, vicious battles between fans and random vandalism. Not a great use of energy.
All in all, however, the best way to handle a nail-biting loss is to have accepted any outcome before the game starts. This can only be accomplished through understanding. By recognizing that we attach ourselves to the accomplishments of a team because of our conditioning, temperament and deep-rooted sense of separateness from a greater whole, we begin to experience a healthy and quite lofty sense of detachment. Through continued practice, and there will be lots of practice – just wait until your team loses again – we cultivate this detachment and begin seeing the world beyond our conditioning and mental concepts. In truth, all teams are the same; they just wear different colors. Indeed, with today’s ease of relocation and travel, you cannot even be sure where the individuals on your team hail from. They may come from across the country or around the world. It’s only your likes, dislikes, conditioning and notions that have you rooting for one team over another.
Will this sense of detachment destroy the excitement of a game? Of course not. This detachment is like the detachment of a young child who can let go of anger and attraction very easily. Have you not experienced excitement and entertainment while watching a game between two worthy opponents without wanting either side to win or lose? The difference is that in such a case you were not attached to the outcome. Disappointment, anger and despair cannot exist in such an environment. Respect, enjoyment and playfulness can.
Of course, there is a game of life going on and we are the players. In every moment of our lives we can be as a sporting aficionado who loves the game but is not concerned with who “wins” or “loses.” Doing the best that we can, giving our all in every moment we are nonetheless unaffected by any outcome. Then, we truly can smile – smile at the game, at the world and at ourselves.
